Spare the rod....?

A favourite singer/comedian/preacher of mine is a lady by the name of Vickie Winans. This soulful, beautiful African-American lady stole my heart way back in 2001 when I first saw her music video, As Long as I got King Jesus, and since then I have been a big fan of hers. Referring to her songs and preaching often in my own sermons or anecdotes. One particular teaching of hers is when she talks about her own upbringing in a large, poor family and then that of her experience of being a parents with her own children. She talks of the need for discipline, particularly among children in areas where there is so much temptation towards drugs, violence, crime, gangs, and more often a combination of all four. Her philosophy is simple, and her expression -  little graphic but one has to temper this by remembering who she is, where she is from, and the culture in which she exists - is that someone has to discipline the children, to paraphrase slightly, 'They either get beat at home, beat by the police, beat in a gang, or beat in jail. Someone is going to do it, so why not do it at home and instil values into the so that they won't be in a position to be beaten by the police, by a gang, or in jail?' She makes a valid point that if discipline that results in respect, the correct moral values, and social skills, is done at home then the children will set out on the right path, and ultimately both the child and society will benefit. 

After an increasing spate of violence crime perpetrated by young people and children, on young people and children in London and other cities of the UK I took to FaceBook to comment; arguing that the removal of the ability to physically discipline our children was one of the factors that has resulted in an almost complete breakdown of morality and social order of a generation of our children. Expectantly I guess, I was met with a tirade of discuss from friends and acquaintances who either asserted that "violence" should not be done towards our children, or that we should discipline our children but using other methods. I was also told that the result of allowing "violence" towards children was the cause of child-abuse. For the record here: in the past 25 years as attitudes towards corporal punishment (smacking) have changed (mainly by social-engineering and laws), parenting courses teach other methods of discipline, yet instances of physical child-abuse continue to be on the sharp increase, according to the various child-welfare charities. Smacking children does not encourage child abuse!!! Describing physical discipline as 'violence towards children' may make the tree-hugging, social-engineers feel better when arguing their point, but its like calling me a drug-addict because I take medication for my diabetes.

Personally I haven't physically disciplined my children in years, not because I don't believe in it but because it is not necessary! That kind of correction is generally only needed in the early stages of a child's upbringing: like a tiger biting or swiping its cub to stop it from doing something it shouldn't. The natural order of things generally works better than something that humanity tries to invent: for instance a child puts its hand near a lit candle, it hurts so it removes its hand and remembers next time to not do it. What doesn't happen is: a) the candle attacks the child in a fit of rage b) the candle sits the child down and explains that if it puts its hand near lit candle it might get hurt.

We have got it all wrong and are still trying to steer the bus full of generations of children off of the cliff, dragging the order of society into it! Child-abuse is heinous and remains with you all your life and if you let it, it will ultimately consume you. But child-abuse is different to smacking, and smacking is different to violence towards children. I know from experience!

The much overused saying, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is (as usual) an incorrect quote from the Holy Bible. The correct quote is from Proverbs 13:24 and it is much more poignant, 

"Whoever spares the rod hates his son,

    but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."

Perhaps if as parents we are allowed to take responsibility for raising our own children, disciplining them in love, as our Father disciplines us, then we will be able to stop this rot in society that is going to claim generation after generation of our young people.

I didn't want to end on such a sour note, but please take what I have said to heart. If you have a cogent argument (not just a tree-huggers/loony-lefty rant) then why not comment and we can take this discussion further and deeper, because dialogue is certainly needed! To lighten the mood a little I have included the Vickie Winans song that started it all: